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Assigned to traffic division as a loan. While we were getting prepared for roll call, the PA system crackled and a male voice said, "motor officer needs assistance at the Mission, violent male mental assaulting the police..." Everyone literally got up from their seats and ran out of the room. Response time was unprecedented since the Mission is directly across the street from the police station. As soon as I arrived, I saw that a naked man had somehow managed to crawl up the 12 foot wrought-iron gates and had clung himself to them. Of course, he refused to come down. Several dozen officers were now in a quandry. I had never seen so many officers standing around in amazement with no solution to a problem. I am sure the fire department must have come up. What came next I would never see again in my years as a police officer. Two frustrated 7 foot tall motor officers reached up and grabbed onto each of the naked man's legs and began to pull. The naked man evenutally lost his grip and fell flat onto the pavement. They searched for a black and white to put him in and, of course, mine was chosen. I hand-cuffed him behind his naked back and placed him in the back seat of my caged black and white. I even buckled His Nakedness in. I shut the door, turned to talk to my partner and we discussed options. I then heard a sergeant shout, "who put him in the back seat like this!?!" I turned and saw the subject, out of his seatbelt, handcuffed hands in front of him and he was mastrubating. Enough said.
submitted 08.22.07

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